Who Do I Serve?

Some days when I've slept too few hours and am void of graciousness in my heart, I look at some of the patients around me at work and become Nancy--a negative, negative Nancy.

Their neediness annoys me. So I do silly things. I ridicule their mistakes. Is she really asking this question again? I make myself to be more important than I really am. Did he just cut me off while I was answering his question? I belittle their pain. Nearly all of our patients have medical issues so why are they acting like they're the only ones that matter? And when my silly little heart becomes numb to their struggles, my annoyance seeps out through the tone I use to answer them. Then it becomes very clear to them and to myself that I just don't care.

It is without effort that I can burrow myself deep into self-interest and throw from my shoulders the heavy weight of someone else's burdens.

But Jesus, when he looked upon the people, sheep without a shepherd, felt compassion for them. When he saw the blind cry out to Him, His heart was for them. He gave them sight, He healed the sick, and He commanded the lame to walk. He quieted the storm for His fearful and faithless disciples. He saved their souls. And in face of his impending crucifixion, He told His disciples to have faith. He told them to have courage. He encouraged them to persevere. It was not a numbness of heart that compelled God to send His Son. It was not with annoyance and frustration that Christ picked up His cross to be crucified. It was not with a spirit of self-importance that Jesus took upon Himself a crown of thorns in place of a crown of glory.

And when I finally take a long clear look at the greatness of God and the humility of Christ my Savior, I am aware of my sinfulness. It becomes clear that in these moments of frustration and annoyance, I do not serve Christ.